Tame That Tongue!

We’ve all done it. I know I have, so many times, said something I immediately wished I could take back. Maybe it was a snappy remark, a sarcastic comment, or a juicy bit of gossip that just slipped out.

The tongue has a way of getting ahead of us, doesn’t it? James described it perfectly when he said, “The tongue is a small member, but it makes great boasts. See how great a forest a little fire kindles!” (James 3:5). It’s incredible how something so small can cause such big problems!

Our words hold power — power to heal or to hurt, to build up or to tear down. I'll use a lighthearted but honest look at the ways our tongues can get us into trouble, why we fall into negative speech, and how we can learn to use our words for good instead.

Negative speech comes in more varieties than those multiple flavors at an ice cream shop, or so it seems.

• Complaining is probably the most popular sport in human "lip-letics." From the weather to our workload, we can find something to gripe about in just about any situation. The Israelites were Olympic-level complainers, and it didn't end well for them in the wilderness.

• Gossip is when we share information about others that we have no business sharing. It often starts with "Did you hear about..." and ends with damaged reputations and broken trust. Proverbs 16:28 warns us that "a gossip separates close friends."

• Criticism goes beyond constructive feedback and becomes a habit of pointing out flaws. Some of us have become so good at this that we could find fault with a perfect sunrise.

• Sarcasm and mockery might get laughs, but they often leave wounds. What seems like harmless teasing can chip away at someone's confidence. Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me?" Not true. Words do hurt, if used inappropriately.

• Cursing and profanity may feel like stress relief in the moment, but they tend to coarsen our speech and harden our hearts over time.

• Self-deprecation turns that negativity inward. While humility is good, constantly putting ourselves down isn't healthy or honoring to God, who made us in His image.

So why do we speak negatively when we know better?

Sometimes it’s simply out of habit. We've been doing it so long, it just feels natural.

At other times it stems from insecurity. In this case, putting someone else down gives us a false sense of strength.

Some people speak negatively because it grabs attention. Drama draws listeners, even if for the wrong reasons.

Our environment also plays a role. If everyone around us is negative, we tend to have a desire to blend in.

And often, it stems from unhealed hurt. As Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45). When the heart is wounded, the words will show it.

So, you may be asking, how can I curb my tongue?

Well, the good news is, the tongue can be trained! It takes practice, prayer, and a bit (or a lot) of patience with ourselves, but it is indeed possible.

• Pause before you speak. When emotions run high, count to three (or ten!) before responding. Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” That quick pause can save a lot of regret later.

• Pray for help daily. David’s words in Psalm 141:3 make a perfect morning prayer: “Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” God loves helping us grow in this area; all we have to do is ask.

• T.H.I.N.K. Before speaking, ask yourself:

  • Is it True?

  • Is it Helpful?

  • Is it Inspiring?

  • Is it Necessary?

  • Is it Kind?

If the answer is 'no' to any or all of those questions, it’s probably better left unsaid.

• Speak blessings instead of curses. Even when someone irritates you, choose words that uplift rather than tear down. Romans 12:14 says, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” It’s not easy, but it’s powerful.

• Seek positive influences. Surround yourself with positive communicators and people who will offer encouragement and speak life into your life. The company you keep will absolutely shape your speech.

• Feed your heart with good things. Fill your mind with scripture, worship, and gratitude. What goes into your heart will eventually flow out of your mouth.

When we learn to tame our tongue, life gets sweeter in so many ways. Our relationships grow healthier because words of grace open doors, while harsh ones shut them closed. We experience more peace and joy because gratitude shifts our focus from problems to blessings. We also gain a better reputation with people who will be drawn to us as we speak life and encouragement. On a deeper level, our spiritual life blossoms.

Speaking positively reflects a heart that’s aligned with God’s love. Proverbs 12:18 tells us, “The tongue of the wise brings healing.” When we use our words to heal and uplift, we become vessels of God’s grace. And let’s not forget that our words have creative power! Proverbs 18:21 reminds us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Every word is a seed. When we plant words of kindness, joy, and hope, we’ll eventually harvest those same blessings in our own lives.

My final thoughts

Our tongue can be a tool for blessing or a weapon of destruction. The choice is ours. Every day brings opportunities to speak life, to encourage, to inspire, and to heal. So, the next time you’re tempted to complain, gossip, or snap back, take a breath and remember: you have the power to change the atmosphere with your words.

Let’s choose to speak life. Let’s be people who bring light and not heat; healing and not harm.... because when our words align with God’s heart, our world begins to change, one conversation at a time.